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Very often in the child-parent communities have questions, what to do with a completely unmanageable and unruly children. They do not act anything.
Many parents are faced with teenage uncontrollability, with the inability to affect a child 13-17 years. He did not listen.
Finally, there is a completely unmanaged (by society) adults. They are often referred to as criminals, but it is also an interesting problem.
All three problems in terms of psychophysiology connected. All these are different degrees of the same. Just difficult children do not always become difficult teenagers, and even more rarely turn into offenders.
Most successfully passes a period in childhood or puberty and in adulthood are reasonable and prosperous citizens. However, not all. Sometimes there are people who in childhood or adolescence were quite docile, and then turned into unmanageable. It happens rarely, but it happens.
What it is?
First of all - this is too high a threshold of frustration.
Parents of difficult children is best to understand this subject, so as not to deal with the disobedience of different wild and harmful (ie exacerbating the problem) methods, such as a belt. Especially stupid to punish teenagers (depriving walks and taking away gadgets). For the average child in a difficult period, it is just a shame and creates a rift with parent (and desire more of it to hide and early run away from home). And for the really difficult - it further increases the threshold of frustration, temper, starts and makes a parent - a target to fight.
Subject frustration threshold for non-specialists - difficult. I will try to explain as much as possible simplified.
Children are born different, each with its own kind of nervous organization. Even more children are different, when the nervous organization is added to the unique experience of development.
Once a beautiful scientist Lev Gumilyov investigated the problem of drive (passionarnost and in many cases this is Here's a complete lack of control and nepodchinyaemost) and came to the conclusion that passionarnost may depend on the characteristics of solar flares. Among the social Gumilyov identified such factors as the intersection of ethnic groups, not only of different genes, how radically different cultures.
Recent studies tend to the same point of view. The appearance of a nervous organization involved and mutation, and genetic features, and special social environment, in which there is a rift between the moral sense.
By itself passionarnost Gumilyov considered very important and necessary for the human phenomenon, however, he pointed out that if not properly directed and used, it can turn into a disaster. Expressed passionary not stop before any obstacles, any obstacle only stimulated him to more activity and striving towards the goal. Even if the purpose of the good, such a person may be dangerous (especially as the benefit - relatively). And if the goal - not to the common good? It is terrible to imagine what it is capable of such a monster, obsessed with his plan for remaking the world. Why should represent? You can read the story.
Also Gumilev singled out as a separate type - subpassionariev (people whose energy is focused on self-destruction, self-destruction) and harmony (people who live normal, relaxed and fit well into the social framework). All this is rather arbitrary. Maybe harmonious man with features passionaries or, conversely, subpassionariya, sometimes in different periods of life.
In terms of psychophysiology, subpassionariev can be attributed to the people with a very low threshold of frustration, harmonious people - those who have a threshold of frustration is normal, but with drive - these are people with a very high, sometimes abnormally high threshold of frustration.
The concept of frustration, many wrongly interpret, even by some psychologists.
Frustration - it is not aggression, which occurs when a person needs a collision with an obstacle. No. Aggression - is just one of the forms of reaction to frustration, and Kurt Levin felt frustration, accompanied by aggression, incomplete. Because aggression - this additional energy, which is released in an attempt nevertheless to overcome the obstacle. You come across an obstacle and furious attempt to break it. You have partial frustration, because you're still trying to continue to move toward the goal, even if such a destructive way.
This frustration - is when a person stops moving when faced with an obstacle, give up, can not send the same energy no matter what constructive. It just suppresses it extinguishes or direct aggression inward.
The ordinary man, a strong demand which was faced with an obstacle, first tries to overcome this obstacle, then looking for workarounds, and realizing that the barrier is insurmountable, part needs frustrates (extinguishes), as part of attempts to redirect somewhere (not frustrates). This being socially adequate. Ideally, a small part to be extinguished, and the majority redirected. It is well adapted personality and stress.
Yarkovyrazhenny passionary - a man, a need which does not know barriers. He will never give up its goal. He either dies or breaks a barrier head (and yes, most just die, of course). In an extreme case, it will come up with a way around the wall, but in a roundabout way, and will not wait for long, he's seething passion. Passionarnost - a strong passion (PASS = passion).
You understand that such a threshold of frustration? It's a conditional threshold that depends on the qualities of mind and personality, reaching which a person believes that obstacle is too great, and spend his energy on meaningless. A normal person sees the objective "can not", "impossible", "too expensive will cost" and retreats. Passionary begins to break forth with a vengeance. Yes, this passionaries barriers only give birth. If the threshold of human frustration is very, very high, there is no obstacle that he would consider for themselves impassable.
In terms of psychophysiology - a pathology, since such people are quite poorly adapted for life in the environment and the more society, they often die. However, if we do not take the extremes, that is not considered prohibitively high threshold for frustration, and consider just raised, we see a very motivated person, perhaps the hero, and possibly criminal, but the person is quite strong (until it is broken physically, or killed) .
Too low threshold of frustration - the same pathology. A man passes by any difficulty, it is ready to accept any external rule as the law and will not try to get it, and on the way met any resistance, immediately give way. Norma - always in the middle, but the uniqueness of the people lies in the fact that some normal people have a low threshold of frustration, some higher, and all they need to (and can) learn to live happily.
Now imagine a small child. Your difficult and very uncontrollable.
He made physiologically different than his peers with whom you are comparing it. What good is it to smack? If this helplessness and anger, OK (better than a drink a sedative), but if it is a conscious method of education, then you - fools, not the parents.
Most of unruly children, passing the 3-year-old age crisis (after 4 years approximately), are quite manageable. But (!) If the parents have not spoiled relations with them as long as they thrashed and tortured during the three-year crisis. During this time, you can become the enemy of the child, especially if you have a real passionary.
What is different from the uncontrollable child obedient and quiet?
Docile is more sensitive, emotionally responsive, impressionable, anxious, therefore frustration threshold is much lower. Mom just looked sad and shook her head, and his desire to climb out on the high shelf evaporated. External "no" it was a sufficient barrier, because its threshold of frustration is very low, almost enough any obstacles, so he departed. You can see that too obedient child, it is also not very good, right? Any external "no" once it becomes its domestic law, it inspires, it is completely manageable. Everything is good in moderation.
And what is a very naughty child? Oh, he can not hear you at all. To him, your op - just a noise like the sound of the sea. His excitement of desire (nervous, physiological, psychic he is so arranged) so much that you can even be killed, but he will climb to where conceived. When the threshold of frustration is very high, you can beat him nearly to death, he would cry, but still climb. No pain will not stop him, because fear - nothing compared to his need. I repeat, most likely (9 of 10), he will outgrow this period, will be adequate, but for now he is. Just accept this fact, to begin with.
You think in vain that the obedient child more intelligent and good, it just does not need this energy force. He is not so hot. His demand is weaker, it is easy to remove the ban. And your child has a terrible desire strong and mighty. He - a typhoon. Here you got this.
What parents do when they hit and punish these children?
They can turn them into heroes of the possible potential criminals. Yes, let us not be afraid of big words, it is like this happens. Not always, fortunately, but often.
The different character of the offender? The first wants to do something for the public good, the second - is antisocial and wants to rob others. Second can be considered a psychopath, and of people with drive, which struck in childhood, often obtained psychopaths. Sami imagine their need for energy has incredible power, to deal with it, they can not, there is no mental reserves. A part of society (which represent parents and teachers) always come beatings and punishment. What remains of the children? First, learn to lie and pretend (self-defense), and secondly, to hate the society as the main enemy, looking for a means of fighting and revenge. (To understand this it is not necessary to justify criminals, but for the sake of reducing their number).
The percentage of these people with drive is very small. Great heroes and real villains are rare. Most unmanaged children later normalize the threshold of frustration, become perfectly normal and law-abiding citizens. But it is not necessary in times of riots spoil relations with them and turn them against themselves and society, complicating their lives and their social adaptation.
And what you can do, I'll tell you.
Now I can not tell what to do with children with this disorder behavior (that in 8-10 years, all destroyed, are aggressive and are not considered with the minimum rules), and how to correct adolescent psychopaths, it's too complicated a problem (although interesting and a lot of research and experiments are underway). But I can tell you what you can do with small children with an increased threshold of frustration, here are the same ones who do not want to listen to, very stubborn, insist on your own lie (because they are punished) and break all taboos.
Their energy frustrate very difficult or impossible, it is sometimes easier to break bones than to forbid something and want somewhere to climb. But their energy can be redirected by offering another target or multiple targets. This is the ONLY way. You see? Deny, stop, intimidate, to prove - is virtually impossible. Divert attention as possible. This is the only option. And it is better to occupy their attention to how they will choose themselves a destructive purpose, otherwise it will be difficult to distract. Pre-need to score their attention. Will Heath, they will fill it yourself and so that you do not like it.
Parents should understand very well that the main enemy of BOREDOM children.
Out of boredom, such children are not ready to the fact that parents violate the bans, and jump out the window and it's not a joke. Understand that people have different mentality. And unformed child's mind is particularly bizarre. Anxious children are much better tolerate boredom, but these children are absolutely can not, boredom kills them and blows them to the brain. They experience a real meal, the strongest infernal torment when you are forcing them to sit or to do something boring, useful, but uninteresting. They need emotions, they are emotional gluttons birth. They grow up and learn to self-regulation, and while it is very difficult to live in your tedious adult world.
Here the experience of his father, who was so attentive and smart, that immediately realized that the scourge of his difficult child (all of which refused to nurse, gardens and even the mother agreed to give up) - boredom. He becomes very aggressive boredom (and there is likely a genetic characteristic, because his father - the same), and the game interesting - very adequate, smart, responsive, normal child.
Do not put these children will never in a corner, do not punish boredom and sitting on a chair, do not act like a silly monsters, and so they can not stand the boredom, and you even more tormenting them. If you beat these children, you will not only create their image of the adults enemies and pick up, harden their pain threshold, and soon they begin to love to fight, to love even physical punishment, love blood and beatings (to apply and receive, yes) . It is hard to imagine, but true. For passionaries is very characteristic: in the emotional heat of they do not feel and are not afraid of pain. And if the pain threshold from childhood trained, and then the more they love to fight. Boredom is so unbearable for these children that any pain and the danger becomes a boon for them. And you still further and to accustom them to the pain, the pain to make them familiar, or even pleasant. What for? Better to let their pain threshold is lower then before the pain persists piety, barrier and they will be less risk the health of your life. Pain carries a protective function, no need to abolish it, it is very dangerous.
The only way to deal with these children - to keep them constantly in a state of some passion, some interesting problems. Oh yes, it's hard, but it's the only way. As soon as they get bored, they start to break your inhibitions, to do everything that can not be torn to the dangers and adventures. Do not think that their goal - to drive you crazy, but for them it is better than sitting in the four walls of the intolerable in an infinitely extended time. The time for such a child is stretched so that every five minutes are transformed into five weeks. Imagine that you have five weeks to sit and look at the wall. You want to break your head on the wall, is not it? That's it wants and your child.
Do not compare your child with others. Другой имеет другую психику, он выносит скуку лучше, он может в течение часа сосредоточенно рассматривать книжку или игрушку (слишком низкий порог фрустрации это тоже плохо, повторяю, до определенного возраста здоровые дети должны быть непоседливы), а ваш вот такой, ему невыносимо в обычных условиях, он нуждается в постоянном экшене, в постоянной игре, в постоянной смене событий, в постоянной нагрузке, психической и физической.
Ваша задача не только накормить его и уложить спать, но и обеспечить ему адекватный уровень нагрузки, впечатлений и стимулов. Если их будет слишком мало, он будет изнывать и беситься, выть и лезть на стенки. Он будет выносить вам мозг. Или крушить все вокруг.
Держитесь. Если вы с честью переживете этот кризисный период (обычно кризис длится год-два), вы получите адекватного, но энергичного сына или дочку, и вы еще скажете спасибо ему или ей, что они именно такие. Почти все особенности психики (здоровой) имеют свои недостатки и свои преимущества.