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A small, defenseless and a favorite child - well, how can it not indulge, do prohibit this and that, do not buy it your favorite toy? But this attitude to children - the first step to ensure that the family will grow selfish. Almost always in families where children are spoiled, parents suffer from their selfishness, DC "I want", "I will not", "buy", "I'm just me!". But the baby is still small, we have these little pranks seem so funny, we have all these selfish habits blamed on a small age, to fledgling mind, the excessive curiosity. Only when selfishness begins to manifest itself in full, the child says, "do not wash my dishes, while you can not buy T-shirt", "I have no time to go to the sick granny, because I agreed with my friends", "buy me this very minute," "I have always rights and I know everything better than others "- that's when parents clutching his head and can not understand what they missed in the education of their beloved son or daughter.
The reasons for the child's selfishness
Excessive love - a detrimental effect
Once the baby was born, he became the center of attention. Mom and Dad do not sleep at night, all day long, they are trying to make a life of his child safe, cozy, warm and comfortable. And in no other way, because a human baby created by God so that he will not begin until at least move independently on the world, he just vital assistance to families. But, he begins to explore the world and slowly realize that now it is the main thing in the life of my mother, and all, whatever he asked for, this minute will be done when it has turned one year old. Any toy, candy, all attractions in the park - all this immediately presented the child "on a tray with a platter" at his first call. After such permissiveness and "vsepokupaemosti" the child erases the boundaries of what is permitted, it becomes a matter that Dad lost his job, that you can not buy him another heaped toy - once a child it wants, then it is immediately to be with him, because before everything it was. If this child does not receive he can fight in hysterics, rolling on the floor and screaming loudly, crying. And if you will lead on the duck, then consider that this "battle" you are lost, and the selfishness of the child began to emerge in full force.
"No" to independence - "yes" selfishness
There is another common type of overprotective - when parents do everything for their child, but he grew up healthy and well-studied. Since childhood, the child does not even know what to obscure bed, clean up after a dish, wash them, put toys and things immediately after use - for it all this makes mother and grandmother. First, a child grows up totally unadapted to normal adult life, he can live all your life next to my mother, simply because not be able to do without her help. And secondly, when the child simply can not just do it now, it will refuse to study in the future. You will say, "You have a big, it's time to dim the bed for a" what to get the answer or simply ignoring the silence, or the child's anger and the blame will be just you, because I never allowed him to do something on their own.
Vividly lack of independence will be shown during the adoption of any decisions. If you are from the very beginning and have always decide for the child, then at any subsequent situation he would have recourse to you and shake out your answer this very moment, and you'll just have to solve its problems at once, putting aside all their affairs.
If the child does not care about anyone - no sisters or brothers, for my grandmother, too, cared for mom and dad, he never learns to sacrifice themselves for the sake of another person. Not again proves the fact that if a child in a family of one, in most cases it grows selfish (this trait is expressed in some bright, some surrounding it almost do not notice, but it is still there). The result is that everything that makes a child, he was doing only for himself, he, he does not need do not need to share with your sister think of that jacket, parents should not buy him one, but also a brother. All that buy, give, say and do the parents - it's all for him. And if everything around since childhood revolves around a child, he begins to feel the center of the universe, and it will be difficult to convince to reverse in the future.
Lack of attention
Egoist children grow up in a diametrically opposite situation - if they do not have enough attention, love, and they do not feel safe in life, do not communicate with their friends, they do not have stable home world. Living in such circumstances, the child learns to survive, not to live, and his mind folded thought that if he does not make himself, then no one else and will not help, and thus, it is necessary to think only of yourself, because no one in this the world does not think about it. Such selfishness in children occurs as a defensive reaction to the fragile psyche terrible unhappy childhood.
Even if the children grow up in a normal family, but their parents on their own selfish, then the child will learn from them. When parents bring up children, guided by their convenience, rather than the needs of the baby, the child in the future will take the same position, because he will see how Mom and Dad selfishly indulge his whims, so why should your child then do differently? If parents do not consider it necessary to be close to the child, then he will consider it normal.
How not to grow an egoist?
Understand that we all exist for the sake of procreation, that is, for the sake of the children, but we must not put their lives at their feet and to sacrifice everything for them;
First of all, adjust their behavior: be aware that your guardianship for him it is excessive or, conversely, do not have enough of your attention;
Do not forget to ask or even demand that the child care in the home affairs and in the care of relatives, work in the garden, and simply attaches it to the general assistance;
Since childhood accustom children to take care of other people, animals, give way to a senior, grandmother feeding stick or grandfather to pour a bowl of soup. Be sure to make bird houses, feed the birds in winter, in the summer are scattered with crumbs baby pigeons, go feed the neighbor's dog - in general, show the child an example of how to care for others. So the child will develop kindness, empathy, caring about your neighbor, it will not only think about their own whims, but also the surrounding people, not to focus only on their desires, respectively, and is unlikely to be selfish. However, the baby should not do it yourself - you have to help him, and not just a one time show and expect that next time he will run to feed the baby bird. All good deeds do with your child and be sure to praise him for it, so that he feels happy from what he did something nice mom;
It is important to not only take care of others, but also to always be attentive to them - congratulations to all the holidays, on birthdays, call and ask "how are you" with relatives. The child must understand what fun it is to bring joy to others;
Decide to have another baby, but immediately adjust themselves to the fact that you need to love their children equally: and spend time, and to encourage and educate them also need equally. Older children are obliged to help her mother care for the younger ones. However, his most small child also learn to take care of his older brother. If a child in a family of one, teach him to take care of other family members are not erect it on a pedestal;
Pay attention to your child, take care of him and show your love, but do not indulge it, otherwise it will take it for granted;
Try not to quarrel with the child, especially not venturing large noisy proceedings because any quarrel parents gradually destroys the protective dome of the child, where he feels safe. And if a child has destroyed a sense of security, it is simply fixated on himself and finally grow selfish;
Allow your child some household duties within the powers of, for example, a complete cleaning of his room and dusting throughout the apartment. The child should feel a responsibility at least for the small home business that was assigned to him;
Gradually remove the responsibility for personal child's case -. For the fact that he is not asleep, not too late, did the lessons and so not immediately, but gradually fail the child to the fact that for all his personal affairs, he must answer himself, and you only in extreme cases it podstrahuete.
As the saying goes, "to learn from their mistakes", so long as the child does not pass a school of life, he learns to truly live;
Encourage your child to choose from, do not decide everything for him, because he did grow up without their opinions, without his goals, he will live with your thoughts, feel insecure and require you care to old age;
Expand the range of child communication, do not keep it at home "under the wing", be sure to drive it into the garden, to the nascent ego child crashing on the society, on the whims, desires, and other needs of children, educators, the child knew and understood that he was not one for this world needs something.