People and Countries

Bulgaria

forum
news
ads
blogs
Tutors
cities

Portugal

forum
news
articles
cities
emigration
company

Italy

forum
female
ads
blogs
articles
a photo

All countries

Germany
USA
France
Czech Republic
Russia
Ukraine

687 | Ответить: 16 Views .: 687 | Reply: 16
print ago Forward

[Humor] "Lady, stop laugh - You give birth!"

Lyulёk
posts
3456

Старожил форума

  • Thanked 77 times
  • Thanks 35 times
1 #
по убыванию Published 25.9.2015 02:07:03 | descending
No, I did not give birth Just came across on the Internet and urzhatsya to colic in the abdomen, and what you want


Then a young pretty doctor sewed me. For a long time, 2 hours. I've already pinned - tama that? He Picasso cross stitching?

And then ka midwife said: "And now let's try to fight a deep breath and exhale booty. Poor? "

Then some kind of "Pretty Woman" rolled up the gurney, I got over it, and it took me out of the generic ... feet first ... damn.

The feel of the battle about such: if you eat a kilo of unripe plums, this twist on the stomach, but even multiplied by 100 + Dubas log on the lower back.

it is necessary, as it is not easy, to get a baby! Here came another doctor, new - they are called in the aid of what? Pull-pull, pull can not? ..

The first feeding, we had fun. We have been preparing for it, and Fedka already thoroughly discussed before, that the mouth should be open wide as Volchenok jaws open to the entire nipple into his mouth got and all that ... and that brings me to a young sister is my happiness, all so happy, heartwarming time, first feeding ... take I ILSA, enclose, and in continuing our conversation with him, cheerfully as follows: "well, now let's, fall exposing the-ah-ah ..." The girl shock Tipo "here pindetse Mothers went ... "

that's crawled up the corridor. There are semi-darkness, a piece of iron rust in the corners, something bryakaet in the elevator shaft, where something is dripping into an iron wash basin ... and not a soul ... staggered delirium the empty corridor, me dragging a bloody bed sheet ... fallaut, damn ... always wanted to star in thriller zombie

On the last day came neurologist at Gromada families, and said that the child's legs are weak, even weaker hands, and his neck very bad. But I've been reading about it all the filth on the Internet and was mentally prepared for her visit. Even glad that she did not find anything fatal: so if Gromada is not found, it means that the child really all bad.

Lena, a midwife, said that now 2 shovchika impose. Impose - not hurt. Departed, admired She called Molchanov, he put yet departed - are together, I admire them, "Are you there, in the" tic-tac "play ?!"

When I went in and looked generic, it seemed to me that there as a joke about the new Russian in the Hermitage - the poor little, but neatly.

"Uncle priest with a beard" - a famous doctor Kashcheev. Super doctor, as far as I know. Itself personally never met, a friend of his gave birth ... So it is when during fights saw him, uttered the phrase that has become famous: "I did not cause ass !!!"

Senses - attempts to go, and no one in the room not. I then also found out that my doctor was stuck in the elevator. I thought, 'Do not destiny! "

With 2 attempts head was born. The midwife happily says: "The head is born and claps eyes."

Oh, and I do not like the fact that underwear and diapers for children brought constantly moist. My question is - why - Auntie linen -razdatchitsa offended and said: "They are not raw and damp" Just wonderful!

I was a little cut, but I agreed to sew up only under anesthesia. When he came to, I saw in the hands of my dreams men dream of my men.

Dressed up in a shirt a critical length, at my height is easy. What the nurse cheerfully replied: mother, well, you're good, and her husband gives birth to, well, so be it let us change. The second was 8 centimeters long, but it covered the mess.

Then I crawled to the toilet. This is a real uhohot! For the same Svatko ... And yet ... the action is magic mugs Mr. douches .... Edrёnt pliers! I had a better opinion of myself, I do not think so .... me

Ltd., I would like to have on the table. I knew that there must be only tighter and everything has an end. He's just in some golden light I saw this table.

And now we see our chips, such malyusku. that looks around and says so offended: "Uiiiiiiii !!!" in French, I suppose.

A daughter stuck firmly ... took a defensive position, and in any. We too were begging her dad and her sign several times, screwdriver and promised to show her (and my objections that doche is hardly interesting, he did not respond), and buy a moped .. And she sits, and though that. ..

I had the epidural. I can not say how many it is grace. Take it easy, of course, but some clever physiology I was. Summed up! The left side of my pregnant body did not want to obey and give birth without anesthesia.

All entreaties doctor to push my body consistent with a complete lack of understanding. Not 5 years at a university or language skills, not great experience - nothing helped. And then the doctor said one magic word ... Kaka. And then I understood everything!

"Undress. Jewelry, clothing and underwear give to her husband - you are no longer needed. " Decent answer the doctor on duty, my timid attempts to inform the "What if I fight false - so I'm going home," - "Because the building is on your term out or have already given birth, or do not go at all."

It felt awful. It seemed that someone had slipped me an umbrella into the anus and then opening it pulls hard.

I recommend not to leave, and to lie still for an hour on a birthing table with a piece of ice on his tummy, which was suddenly reminded of such hollow and funnel after the explosion.

It must be said that the birth scared me enormously, I remembered the terrible phrase from an old magazine, or "worker", or "Peasant Woman", read in early childhood "during childbirth a woman experiences a load comparable to the load a soldier in full combat Laid committing march for 80 kilometers. " From this it was not easy ...

Malozhivopisnye do everything, but the necessary procedures, issued breech shirt style "bag from under the sugar with a bow"

A few minutes later it was all over: there was my son. He was like a kitten, and alien frog once.

Fight like a complex wave. Here, you get up on the board and, driven by the wind, on a gentle surface of rushing towards the sun - you feel good. You notice an easy wave, meter by meter, it is gaining strength, you prepare, akkumuliruesh their strength and intelligence. And, oh, you're on the ridge! Fall (screaming) can not, and you growl like a wounded bison. It can last for a long time. Here you wave slowly lowers you blazhenstvuesh. Almost narcotic parish.

And then like a fairy tale suddenly out of nowhere, it is unclear how all of a sudden there was a boy. This blue and pink, with the round head, with such ridiculous triangular ears and said Kwa-Kwa-kvaaaa ... .Oh ...

Food is no different goodies, but there may be. Spoons issue a receipt,

It turned out that I was - wow - PREGNANT! In fact, at present. And yet I could not believe. I bought another wholesale party tests tonne or two, and with maniacal persistence enjoyed the way over and over again manifested two bright red stripes ...

Then, when the nurse came and said, "Take off your bra, let's do an enema." What connection, I still do not understand on, but then obeyed. And then, for a long time occupied the toilet, listened at the door cursing those who could not get there for ages. I listened and said nothing, not to beat, such as closed and all.

One of the most memorable experiences of my mother's youth ensured colleague, teacher and professor and part-time ... the father of eight daughters. The fact that the professor was eager to have a son. God, meanwhile, also has a sense of humor - and each time, standing on the porch of the hospital, the professor received a bag, tied a pink ribbon. After the eighth attempt, he finally calmed down.

I absolutely Ofigevshy look at the unborn baby, he ofigevshy more looking at me.

Do not be afraid to give birth! After all, true happiness - is when your miracle, smeared on a belt at the same time in a banana, yogurt and porridge suddenly, in a sudden burst of surging it delicate emotions pressed to your chest and vereschit the entire apartment, "Mamamama! MOM! ", And then looks you in the eye and laughs.

The doctor strongly advised me to give birth at 39 weeks, not perehazhivat (for this sex daily, exercise active on all fours to stand longer Now and the PRD has passed, and the baby to get out and do not deign. No intense standing on all fours or muzheterapiya did not help. My husband already I began to hide from me and beg for mercy

We began to learn to push. It olechka so well helped me! I press the foot to the ears, to say, what to do ...

It began thus November evening. I was resting on the couch, the husband played in the computer. And then I heard a soft call my mobile. The message read as follows, and I quote: "Daughter, Dad wants her grandson! Well, where I have him in the country, at 22 o'clock at night, her grandson take ?! "frantically glancing at the screen, I am sent a reply:" Why are you there ??? smoke "and read the message to her husband. On it, finishing off another German bomber, he said: "we must obey the Pope!"
Ariana
posts
1134
City
Oslo

Старожил форума

  • Thanked 8 Times
  • Thanks 7 times
2 #
Posted 09/25/2015 11:16:06

Re: "Lady, stop laugh - You give birth!"

She read the title and wondered if the history of labor in Norway .., as there really offer epidural instead of laughing gas, such as it relieves tension in the head, and the process is natural and with a smile on his face.
In fact, I asked the local, all the men were told that his wife give birth cheer all really funny. Parous women said that no action has no gas :-)
Reply Thank you!

A complaint

Lyulёk
posts
3456

Старожил форума

  • Thanked 77 times
  • Thanks 35 times
3 #
Опубликовано 25.9.2015 16:34:34 Author | Posted 09/25/2015 16:34:34

Re: "Lady, stop laugh - You give birth!"

The laughing gas Novregii offer new mothers NOW ???

In the USSR, it was offered to our mothers ... 30 ... 40 ... 50 ... years ago ...

Progressive Europe? ...

PS. By the way, about mothers - My mother told me that she is lying quietly in bed (such an iron, a Soviet hospital ) Is a tolerant contractions, a neighbor of the bout Chamber were uzho stronger. During the add that Mom grabbed the back of my mother's bed, and it lifts the ... Straight to the illustration "There are women in Russian villages"
Reply Thank you!

A complaint

Ariana
posts
1134
City
Oslo

Старожил форума

  • Thanked 8 Times
  • Thanks 7 times
4 #
Posted 09/25/2015 16:44:49

Re: "Lady, stop laugh - You give birth!"

Well, my girlfriend gave birth in July of this year, she was offered - but she refused.
In general, I can understand and epidural (if the first birth), akupunturu, a bathroom, a massage therapist, laughing gas and something, but I forgot.
Why are you so "progressive Europe", all in my opinion has long been understood that Norway - a wild country
Reply Thank you!

A complaint

Lyulёk
posts
3456

Старожил форума

  • Thanked 77 times
  • Thanks 35 times
5 #
Опубликовано 25.9.2015 17:54:19 Author | Posted 09/25/2015 17:54:19

Re: "Lady, stop laugh - You give birth!"

Why are you so "progressive Europe", all in my opinion has long been understood that Norway - a wild country

That I have a naive, I was sure that laughing gas is long gone, and now, it turns out ...
I do not know how anyone, and in my submission, Norway = severe Vikings and vikingshi. Chesslovo when I was pregnant, we were shown in the classroom to bud. Dock mothers. a film about the birth was in Norway. No gas Bulo ne in sight. There were all sorts adapt Tipo beach balls, swimming pools, different kinds of race. table - all the same thing as my white. maternity hospital (Except for the fact that Norwegians are willing to give birth cherverenkah and sat down, and the less severe Belarusians (both doctors and patients) to such an extreme is not resolved, even though it is theoretically and practically was completely accessible even 11 years ago.)

I remember that the idea of ​​the dock. the film was like "pregnancy and childbirth - is not an illness, gave birth - on skis in the mountains ., With a baby in a sling, "Well, showed Finnish hut from whole logs with all there entourage - mittens, sweaters, tablecloths with deer and mothers, to ski in nat. clothes (dress with an apron) - surely in modern Norwegian outback is practiced? (The film was Norwegian, not Russian-Belarusian) and Malyavko behind. I say to - severe Vikings. After this hardening no bandervan not terrible!

PS. Incidentally, our grandmothers were even posurovey modern Viking. As he has told me a client, her mother in law commented nevestkiny complicated childbirth (I quote verbatim): "Yes, Che you show off something Vaughn, we - in the morning got up payshla in field vysrala in myazhu skirt abtsёrla and distances payshla?" Zvinyayte for coarse language - I quoted
Reply Thank you!

A complaint

Ariana
posts
1134
City
Oslo

Старожил форума

  • Thanked 8 Times
  • Thanks 7 times
6 #
Posted 09/28/2015 16:21:13

Re: "Lady, stop laugh - You give birth!"

Cradles, can certainly give birth if in the period from January to March, the most in the mountains on skis, as well as here and other entertainment complete. I do not know how to go ten years in the country Viking case back, I can only speak for this year and the three hospitals in Oslo, which gave birth to my friends. Of course, much depends on how the pregnancy itself, I'll try at their leisure three weeks and write to the same topic of your births (you do not mind?) Which told me.
On the other hand, the Norwegian has always ask, and who are you giving birth: it is not accepted to go to give birth to one, it is necessary that the husband, partner, girlfriend, mom or dad, or someone else was to support mandatory.
And about all sorts of devices, so it is probably in every hospital in Norway, in Russia or Belarus ... Although I'm no expert.
Reply Thank you!

A complaint

Ariana
posts
1134
City
Oslo

Старожил форума

  • Thanked 8 Times
  • Thanks 7 times
7 #
Posted 09/28/2015 16:23:53

Re: "Lady, stop laugh - You give birth!"

Ski Malyavko behind ski or toboggan ride, when the kids are already 4-5 months and such small overhangs, 10-15 km. That is a maximum of a couple of hours until the baby is sleeping in ovchinka))))
To immediately after birth - did not see to tell the local, they may in the course :-)
Reply Thank you!

A complaint

Lyulёk
posts
3456

Старожил форума

  • Thanked 77 times
  • Thanks 35 times
# 8
Опубликовано 29.9.2015 19:01:41 Author | Posted 09/29/2015 19:01:41

Re: "Lady, stop laugh - You give birth!"

Ski Malyavko behind immediately after birth - did not see to tell the local, they may in the course :-)
I can not say anything about the age of the "skiers" - just do not remember. The film was about the birth, and skiing - "for a snack." Maybe it was in the style of "Johnny, do me a montage" : Oppa - birth, villain - and on skis. I can not also say, the film was made "in general", or specifically for the CIS countries. But the difference in mentality is evident - for example, to this day I crazy to see the newborn (week old max.) In the carriage in a supermarket or somewhere else. We still begin to emerge later, more careful and not for all to see (who is afraid of the evil eye who infections who have something). In Europe, as I see, is not it - and gave birth to come. As far as I'm concerned, the idea of ​​the film (in addition to showing the birth, not only in the classical form and position - say, look, you could) - do not feel sick, keep an active lifestyle immediately after birth. And by the way, Kate won even a few hours after birth was on his feet and in front of television cameras.

PS. Perhaps the neglect is typical for northern countries to cold and disease (as opposed to the south - "oh, minus one, as cold as possible to bring the child into the street!"). Or my neighbors children learn English in a private school. Teachers repeating: "Runny nose, cough, temp 37 - is not the disease, bring the kids to school." Result - endless sore throat, scarlet fever, SARS, etc. What do you want -. Consistently among infections, cold and without treatment. But maybe the northerners different genetics and with this approach strengthens their immune system, and not vice versa, as we have.
Reply Thank you!

A complaint

Ariana
posts
1134
City
Oslo

Старожил форума

  • Thanked 8 Times
  • Thanks 7 times
9 #
Posted 09/29/2015 19:56:43

Re: "Lady, stop laugh - You give birth!"

Well, here, too, and very sick adults and children, but the difference with the southern countries as they say, or colleagues that the houses in the north of the heat and dry air.
There pregnancy natural condition, not a disease. but you see how cool that you showed the movie so to speak, and that is like this.
My girlfriend is a French skiing with his son riding when he was 6 months, and they began to do yoga to three months. And while I know a lot of Norwegians who have a special love for the sport does not feed, and after childbirth for a long time to come in the form, that is, a film on the show was.
More about Finnish houses like to add: the ode, they found them in Norway? There are northern sheds to look at, but not the houses of the Finnish timber :-)
Reply Thank you!

A complaint

Elena
posts
3309

Старожил форума

  • Thanked 8 Times
  • Thanked 30 times
# 10
Posted 09/30/2015 00:22:55

Re: "Lady, stop laugh - You give birth!"

infants (week old max.) in the carriage in a supermarket or somewhere else. We still begin to emerge later, more careful and not for all to see (who is afraid of the evil eye who infections who have something). In Europe, as I see, is not it - and gave birth to come.
we have in the garden, moms bring their older kids with newborns 6-10 days old. Now when it was raining and cold, in the place where (in contrast to the supermarket, you can go in the afternoon for example) high risk of catching something and not just a cold. Here, too, a runny nose and a chronic cough is not a disease, because for me it is not a shock, and a permanent state .
Ukrainian My nephew went to the garden, one week went now treat a runny nose, it is during this time had lost the habit and does not want to come back ...
mine, as needed, also walked everywhere and very tiny c. The first was the publication of the 5th day, check in and anagrafe adzhentsiya delle entrate, then ASL with a choice of a pediatrician.
For a couple of hours, three offices )
And again, I remember that we love in the carriage, "rags" to hang the curtains, for various reasons. Never I do not understand, nor with the older nor younger. All the words of my head it.pediatra: Mom, walk into any campaign unless it's pouring rain and not snow. Do not clog the stroller because it is the use of a zero walks.
Reply Thank you!

A complaint





We're on Facebook
Russian Ukrainian English German French

GMT + 3, 13.3.2016 14:35, Processed in 0.715730 second (s), 89 queries, Gzip On.

to come back to the beginning