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I laugh (through tears) much is true! especially about the crap one's pants and about srygnul |
When you go for a long time pregnant, the whole world seems to be fabulous, and you're in it, at least, a fairy. Round this fairy. Eyes sparkling, mysterious smile, gait ... omit about gait. And you wait. And you think, eating ice cream on the second bench of the park, is about! Just a little bit, and here it is happiness! You read a lot, you are asked, you are everything, everything you can imagine. And imagine ... lazily eyeing the ducks and pigeons.
In non-pregnant are you looking so "Ah ... but what do you know about life in general." On already given birth - why is the same. And then bam, and bare! Cries, tears, smiles, bliss, call, sms, diapers, srygnul! ...
And time goes by ... and you know ... WRONG! Why did not you warn? Why are they silent? Conspiracy!
So list. That which I was absolutely not ready:
Breast-feeding. All writing, as well. I believed. Some write about the cracks and lactostasis. But I could not imagine a nightmare that the crack - it's the natural section of the nipple and it hurt like hell! A lactostasis - when half an hour the temperature rises by almost 40, and you're lying corpse crammed with boobs. And nearby is the child actively require attention.
Nowhere is it written, what to do if a child three o'clock rocked both parents take turns, he finally went to sleep and dream ... crap one's pants. A change of the diaper means "Begins 2nd series, sit in the first row!" The husband twitching eyes when he heard the drawling bunch. The prospect of another hour jump on the ball frightened him more than a visit to the tax office. The ball - it was his duty. Now he has a pretty elastic ass. I shook her standing. Return here. In the first month I was by inertia everywhere so rocking ... in the store, on the street. It was necessary to stop and come on ... back and forth, back and forth. My eye twitched. I put Alice to bed. Right in the poop.
Nobody says that after giving birth do want to stop writing. That's all. As if by chance the bladder also gave birth. Gynecologist came to our room and was like, "Mamulechki, do not forget to write!" And we obediently went to the toilet. About pokakat I generally keep quiet. Unless butterflies ...
No one is saying that if you have a pregnancy extra fuzz grew on his stomach, when you give birth, and deflate, the stomach will be like a chef Vano on Sochi beach during the high season .... Thank God, then everything disappears. But first - shock!
Nobody said that after giving birth I could finally lie down on his stomach on a couple of days ... until the arrival of the forces of milk. And then it all. The maximum in the posture of the Sphinx, looking sadly into the distance. Lying on the breast size 4, overflowing with milk, it can only be on a massage table with two holes for the face ...
When they say that the will not have time, can you imagine it is not. The terms "self" and "I" cease to exist at all. Wash and brush your teeth? Easily! At about 3 days ... breakfast? No problem! The husband in the evening come and feed ... Hairstyle? Elementary! Sobral mats into a tight ponytail and beauty! Go to the toilet? And if you zazhralis hour? ..
Nobody says that the first time, children, when they are disguised or changing diapers, yelling as victims ... First, it's very frightening. You start to rush wildly, the 18th time trying to get a foot on the trouser leg of the child. And it is to them-syudu, back and forth! As long as you put on the right, remove the left ... and screaming! If I did not see that the neighbors in the ward all the same, you would think that bore hysterical.
When a baby is born, all that concerns him - it's terribly hygienic. Toys, pacifiers - all clean and pour over boiling water. Time passes ... The child begins to crawl and his arsenal of toys - it is no longer a two rattles, and a box of Ikea + remote control, telephone, spoons, pots, wire and a cat. And no one says what to do with all this! Always wash? Always coddle? Kota? Shizaneshsya! The question itself disappears when the baby for the first time licking the wheels of the carriage ...
Yet, on the Internet, all such mimimishnye why the real picture is greatly distorted ...
"Oh, Masika such Kaki!" This means Masik crap from ear to ear.
"We srygnuli!" So, Masik blevanul so that all ... dress up and Masik, and my mother, and washed a passing cat.
"We ate gruel!" In all the gruel! Masik, mother, chair, floor, walls, if made Masik lips "Pffff" Well, the cat, of course, where do without him.
Nobody says that when give birth, you do not love your child. This is not love. Do not believe it! Just another no man on earth could not find words that would accurately describe this feeling. Unearthly completely. Surprise. You look and not see enough. Shock! She has it all! Eyelash, eyebrows, ears, nails on the fingers and even a hole in the pope! Can you imagine ?? She has a hole in the pope! How is this possible? As my body has created all this? She breathes. She stirs. Wincing. Looks.
I bow to the one who created all this!